the barnas in real life

Somebody grab me a broom...

2011-09-16T13:10:00.000-07:00

Decided to come on over and do a little cleaning up on the 'ol blog. Other than dust and crickets, not much has been happening in here. But maybe that's because out there in the real world a whole lotta stuff has been going on....

Thinking about coming back in here soon.

2011

2011-01-11T16:10:00.000-08:00

Its going to be a great year!

Some new things to look at for Christina

2010-11-19T09:12:00.000-08:00

A birthday song with cake

2010-08-21T20:31:00.000-07:00

Asher at dinner

2010-08-18T10:03:00.000-07:00

He walks!

2010-08-18T09:55:00.000-07:00

Just like his big brother Ethan, Asher is beginning to walk the week before he turns 1! This was taken right before we were slammed by the stomach flu. Since then he has begun to walk even farther. He's so excited...and so are we.

A mid-summer update

2010-07-29T13:46:00.000-07:00

I know what you are thinking. This is the worst blog ever. Aren't bloggers supposed to...blog? So how about a bit of an update?

I am presently up to my eyeballs, no top of my head in school planning. This weekend is one of my favorites of the whole year! Its homeschool conference time in....Modesto! I know, you're jealous. Its usually blazing hot and this bay area-weather wimp usually complains the whole time. But you know what they have there...AIR-CONDITIONING!! This year I'll be taking my little date with me. Asher. He's handsome, but he doesn't pay for any of my meals. In fact, hes actually a bit rowdy and he throws food on the ground, while saying "uh oh" in this absurdly cute way, like that makes up for it. BUT if there is a baby friendly place, its a homeschool conference. Its also a place where I am asked how many kids I have and when I say 4, no one blinks. Or stares at you in horror. Or says things like, "you are so brave." or "you're crazy." Usually I get a response like, "oh really? I have 8."

Anyway, back to the planning. So this year everything is kicking up a notch. The boys will be attending school 2 days a week, which is great, but that leaves me only 3 days a week to cover everything I need to. PLUS, I am teaching art at this new school. I'm getting nervous about all of this. I'm worried I've bitten off too much. Because there is still laundry to do, meals to make, a house to take care of, our community group, worship team, exercise-huh?, Mei to do preschool with, that baby that follows me around saying, "uh oh"...you know, life in general. (You can see why blogging doesn't seem to be in the picture for me.)

But crazy enough going to the conference is exciting. I always come back re-energized and focused for the new year.

As many of you know I started WW at the end of May. As of this morning I've lost 16.6 lbs! Woohoo! Hello old pants!

Andrew: The man I love. *insert kissy sounds here if you must.* Is very busy these days at Stanford running back and forth to the hospital. He's also working hard on creating his own home 'gym' so that he can do Crossfit at home and save some $$$. So I wake up on occasion to the sound of a jump rope in my living room. *There's a small debate on why that can't happen outside.*

Mei Mei: The girl has officially finished speech therapy! YAY! We've had a child in speech therapy non-stop since 2003. All of her remaining articulation issues are either age appropriate or due to her occlusion. (Her bottom jaw sits in front of her top jaw.) She is hilarious and has decided that she wants to be a scary brown vampire bat for Halloween. I'm not even sure how she knows about vampire bats. She's trying to sound out words, but I'm not rushing anything with her. Mei Mei is the puzzle master. She can do very complicated puzzles and once she solves one, she will do it over and over.

Ethan: Has just started speech therapy for his stuttering. Ethan has actually stuttered off and on since he was 3. Recently he said, "mom, you know I stutter, right?" He loves going to therapy. He's so funny about it. I wonder if other people's kids get as excited about their therapies as my kids do?

Sam: We are experiencing some early adolescence with Sam. He's definitely entering a new stage. He will be 10 this fall! AAAHHH! He's excited about school, but if I said he never had to read again, he would be thrilled. We are still chugging away at phonics. But we are also beginning to explore reading technologies. (basically...technologies that will read to him) Andrew is excited about this, because this may be his first legitimate reason on why we need an i*Pad.

Asher: Well, what can I say? He's adorable and we are all in total love with him. And he's on the move. He's not quite walking, but he's getting bolder taking steps between people and objects. But don't worry, he can still get into everything.

So there is so much more, but now I'm tired. : ) Realistically, I think blogging will be rare for me. I'll try to do an occasional post, but I'm happily distracted these days.

Why laundry never gets done

2010-07-28T06:46:00.000-07:00

Asher 11 months

2010-07-27T07:51:00.000-07:00

NEW

2010-07-16T13:32:00.000-07:00

There is alot of NEW around here these days. New baby, new home, about to start new school, even our church is sorta new. My favorite photographer was here at the beginning of May and we did a Barna style photo shoot on a Sunday morning. What's Barna-style you ask? Thats when the mom has put NO pre-thought into what her family would wear, nor is she even showered when the shooting begins. Barna-style is when big brother sizes up little brothers outfit and decides its all wrong and then takes him back to his room to change his clothes, brush his teeth and brush down his hair. And I do mean that the big brother did all these things to the little brother. And then the big brother presents his creation and the moment is captured as one of our favorite portraits ever. Barna-style is for a little girl to. never. sit. still. Barna-style is to rarely pose for a picture because half of us, including me, barely have the attention span to do so. Barna-style is for the mom and dad to sit choked up over these beautiful portraits, seeing them for the first time.

My favorite photographer says that its her job to show us the beauty in our lives. You did sweet friend, you did. In the midst of all this beauty and newness we can feel like we are drowning, but oh, how beautiful it all is.

A little beauty

2010-06-30T09:05:00.000-07:00

Here is a sneak peek from a recent portrait session with my dear friend, Katie Prentiss. If you want to know what our Mei Mei is like, just look at these. Funny, silly, naughty, mischievous and at times so stunningly beautiful she takes my breath away.

Asher-10 months

2010-06-22T21:08:00.000-07:00

Our baby turned 10 months today! This is all going a bit too fast for my liking! Although I won't be having any more babies, it is bittersweet to watch your last baby inch closer to his first birthday. Time just seems to be going faster and faster. Did you know I'm 34?! That really just hit me. My birthday was in February. I hope I ate cake. I really like cake. With ice cream. But back to babies, mine is growing too fast.

Asher 9 months...a little late

2010-06-14T07:37:00.000-07:00

2,9,13,@#, 0

2010-06-14T06:41:00.000-07:00

2 The boys will be going to school 2 says a week this fall at Heritage Christian Academy. This is a big change for us, but we are all very excited about it. The boys will attend on Tuesdays and Thursday and will be taking writing, latin and science along with some other subjects. Also Heritage is hiring a new art teacher. ME!! We are still working out the details, but I will be teaching art about 3 times a month to the k-3 graders. I told my 7 yr old this and he said "you got a JOB!?"

9 Our little baby is quickly becoming not so little anymore. On May 22 he turned 9 months! He is now crawling, pulling up and cruising, babbling alot!, loving food in general and really LOVES his Daddy. He's becoming a Daddy's boy. Andrew is happy because he says Asher is our first baby to like him.

13 We celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary! The numbers are beginning to feel weighty. We were unable to escape or even go out, which I think illustrates how busy our life is at the moment. Our anniversary dinner was me running to whole foods after we put the kids to bed and pulling a dinner together that we shared at our kitchen table, with a bottle of yummy Spanish wine. (we are going to a concert in a couple of weeks so we are treating that as our date)

@# The amount of weight I am trying to lose at We*ight W*atchers. I joined WW with 2 friends to help me lose this last amount of baby weight that was becoming QUITE comfortable around my middle and well, in other places. In the first 2 weeks, I've lost 6 lbs. We are attending the meetings and at first I was embarrassed, but did you know you get stickers and charms at the meetings for losing weight!? I'll do anything for a star sticker. The diet itself has really been quite livable and it is full of grace. I don't feel restricted and can enjoy sweet stuff if I want to, I just have to account for it. (which is a good practice for me anyways)

0 The amount of time I feel like I have for blogging these days. Life is full, very, very full. Andrew and I both just seem to be able to focus on the day before us. Don't ask us about next week. or next month even. In these busy days, life becomes simple as well. Andrew: work, exercise, hold baby, play with kids and wife, repeat. Liz: nurse baby, feed kids, wash clothes, do school, try to tidy something in house, make dinner, repeat.

We are in the thick of it. There is joy and there is heartbreak. Friends with illnesses and pain. There is brokenness and healing. There is loss and last minute rescues. There are phone calls to friends and family in other cities that shine light on my days.

Oh how lost I would be if I was apart from Christ Jesus, my rescuer. He has already been the perfect Son, wife, husband, friend. My striving is finished, because HE has done it already. I am made righteous through him. This is how God sees ME! Aaahhh, now let's all take a collective deep breath and breathe that truth in. THIS is what holds me together, not my own works, achievements or strivings. Those are momentary and shallow. I am deeply loved by the Creator. Simple at face value, but mind blowing if I truly consider those ramifications.

The Lord is laying plans in me for some upcoming adventures that I'll share with you later.

A morning tidepooling love

2010-05-16T07:12:00.000-07:00

A list

2010-05-15T06:44:00.000-07:00

One of my kindred spirits (we are reading Anne of Green Gables) wrote a blog post about some things she's working on. It was good for me to read her list and then to think about where I am, whats going on and where I want to be headed. So here it is.

live daily aware of His Presence and abide in Him.
working on this, probably forever

cast all my cares upon him and to stop trying to solve every problem that lands on my lap
also work in progress.

be gracious and humble
this is so hard. Its just so easy to be judgmental and prideful. I mean, I'm really good at it!

learn how to walk away from the work and to enjoy my children
"NO, I can't play, I'm WORKING"

do my homework my counselor asks me to do
HELLO, I have depression! You want me to read? (She wants me to read)

to sit more often and enjoy the beauty that lies right outside my windows.
I'm doing this more and more

to pursue friendships
also a work in progress, but keenly aware of the need

to learn how to sing in harmony and maybe read music
my worship team might appreciate this, I should probably know where we are on the page

to lose this last amount of baby weight
starting WW with some friends on May 29-everyone's invited to the fun!

to have more people over to our house
we are doing this more and more

to make simple, lovely things, and enjoy wearing them, even when I know they are flawed
creating is a deep need in me. I'm happier when I'm creating.

finally, oh there is so much more, but this morning there should be a 'finally' or I could go on forever

to take in every last baby moment I have with Asher. He is my last and I am in deep love with this boy. I love breathing him in stinky or not. Babies seem so easy now.
daily and every moment

SWAGGER WAGON

2010-05-12T14:21:00.000-07:00

A skirt for mama

2010-05-10T06:55:00.000-07:00

My girlfriend was visiting last weekend from Portland and we were discussing clothes and post-baby bodies and how to cover them up. I'm still *ahem* a little ways away from that box of jeans in my closet so I decided that this would be the summer of the skirt. (and loose forgiving shirts).

My friend told me about a skirt she has made out of sweatshirt material and how she thought I could make one. On Friday I headed to Targ*t and bought a pair of capri length sweatpants and I followed an amalgam of jean to jean skirt patterns and VOILA!...a skirt, that desperately wanted a bird on it.

I really want to make another one!

Would anyone be interested in a tutorial? I've never done a tutorial, but I could try....

I'm in trouble...

2010-05-09T11:22:00.000-07:00

Look who's moving! I was in the kitchen and I heard a whimper and turned to see Asher's head peeping out from the other side of the chair. He finally figured out where I go when I set him down amongst his toys.

Hipsta-cool app

2010-04-30T09:23:00.000-07:00

In an age where anyone can take a 'perfect' photograph, I have fallen deeply in love with an i*phone app I just discovered last night. This app turns your i*Phone into a Hipstamatic camera. These polaroid type images are each a little gem of magic. I love the beauty of the color staturation and not knowing what exactly is going to come out. Its almost as good as staring at a real polaroid photograph developing, wondering what its going to look like! There is something lovely about letting go of the control you have in a camera. THIS is how I want my memories to be. Color saturated, dreamy and full of wonder.

You can purchase different lens/flash packages for all under $5 including the
camera app itself! Thats a bargain, for such a fun little application. You can choose different lens/flash combos or you can give your i*phone a shake and it will randomly select a lens/flash combination for you.

2010-04-28T07:02:00.000-07:00

Made some notes, under the What do I need to homeschool? tab. Sorry this whole blog transformation thing is taking a LONG time. Oh well, its a work in process. Like me.

2010-04-26T12:45:00.000-07:00

Someone turned 4 over the weekend. It was very pinwheeley. There were friends, cake, gifts and tears. (Its was HER party, ya know)

Happy Birthday Mei Mei!!

A Happy 8 Months!!

2010-04-22T10:34:00.000-07:00

Asher is 8 months old today!! Can you believe it?? We are in love with this boy. He is now saying Da-da and sort of a ga-ga sound. (Neither of which sound remotely like ma-ma.) He is sitting and beginning to get on his knees, but no crawling yet. (Which I am totally fine with!!) He is eating more foods, like avocadoes, bananas, some yogurt...all the typical baby stuff. But he still has a strong preference for nursing. And since I don't really have time to be feeding him 3 meals a day yet, that's ok with me too.

Mmm, he's just delicious.

2010-04-21T12:16:00.000-07:00

KiMMY where are you? You won the game and therefore Picture Book Preschool! I'll wait another couple of days to hear from you then I will redraw to see who gets the book!

Anna's Story

2010-04-20T10:17:00.000-07:00

Sage Advice

2010-04-19T09:14:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about words of wisdom I received when I began to have kids. There are two that I hold the most closely to. Both come from the mother's of some friends of mine.

The first is There will be days when all you do is comfort children and thats ok.

The second, When the kids go to bed, my work day ends. Meaning, when I put my kids to bed, my goal is to be done with my work. It becomes my time to rest. If there are some dishes in the sink I let them be. If there are clothes in the dryer, they stay. I know not all my friends agree with this and they say, thats when I get stuff done! But if I did not put a stopping time to my work, I would never rest!!

What are some words of wisdom you try to live by?

Let's play a game...

2010-04-15T06:51:00.000-07:00

* And the winner is KiMMY!! Congratulations! Let me know how I can send you your copy of Picture Book Preschool. My email is on the sidebar.

I am in fact using the carrier wrong. Asher should not be facing outward. And yes, I actually did this. I have a disease that has a very grim prognosis. Its called, "I-refuse-to-read-directions." Its hereditary. Its haunted my father his entire life.

Thanks for playing and for those that mentioned it, I only wear one wedding band. Oh and in San Francisco you can have both palm trees and cold weather. : )

Yesterday, I received in the mail the Picture Book Preschool.
I had seen this book on Preschoolers and Peace and I ordered it instantly because it was what I had been searching for! The author, Sherry Diane Early, has taken children's literature and picture books and grouped them according to themes, such as Music and Musicians, Winter/Snow, Friends, Manners, etc. Each week she lists about 7 books, a bible verse to memorize, a character trait to focus on, some discussion questions and activities. As my friend said, she's done what I wish I had time to do! I can't wait to use this book with Mei Mei!

Now for the game...See the picture above? There is something wrong with it. Leave a comment and tell me what it is and on Saturday night I will draw a name from the correct answers. The winner will get a copy of Picture Book Preschool!

2010-04-15T06:33:00.001-07:00

GUESS WHAT?!? I'm on a blog in SPAIN!! Ok, really its just something I made that I printed off someone else's blog and I'm not in the picture. Its a sweet slice of Mei Mei. : )

2010-04-13T11:31:00.000-07:00

Check out the Literature tab at the top. I've begun to add some things there.

Skirts

2010-04-12T07:15:00.000-07:00

Here is our Mei Mei modeling two new skirts of hers for you. I love these little skirts and they truly are the easiest skirts to make. Seriously. We had a perfectly lovely downpouring rainy kinda day yesterday and the littles were napping and the big boys were watching a movie, so I escaped and worked on these.

Mei Mei loves to look pretty and wear skirts. all. the. time. I like these skirts because you can throw on a pair of leggings or shorts under them.

I originally found this pattern on Oliver+ S. You can check out their lazy day skirt pattern. Over time I have adapted the pattern, because I never have ribbon in my house. They really are easy, so go check them out!

2010-04-11T19:40:00.000-07:00

Their resemblance is beginning to creep me out.

Up to my eyeballs

2010-04-11T19:20:00.000-07:00

In the weeds. In the trenches. In over my head. Swamped. Overwhelmed. These all describe me as of late. If anyone ever wonders, "Hey Liz, how do you do it all?" Well, I don't. I can never focus on everything at one time. Its impossible. I focus on kids, homeschooling, my house, trying to be healthy, exercising, that husband of mine, blogging, family, friends and all their forgotten birthdays, appointments, present decisions that have to be made, upcoming birthdays, church, the news....I never know whats happening in the outside world, the newest chemical I'm supposed to be watching out for so that we don't get cancer or become mutants, politics (I give up on that one), making sure Sam is eating nut-free, when did I last feed the baby?, dang I forgot that one all-important ingredient AGAIN for dinner, speech therapy for Mei, oh, I wonder how long those wet clothes have been in the washer, smells like a couple of days.....

The list goes on and on. I'm looking for some peace. I've been trying to wrench it out of my life with my own hands, but keep failing. You know, I am never going to stay on top of everything. I can't, no matter how hard I try. The world will tell me to try harder, get an assistant...surely I could be doing something!! But I know those things may help in the short term. I may get a small reprieve until things build up again and my life is piling up around me.

No. I'm trying to stop trying. I'm trying to not hold on so tightly to all these expectations and focus on the basics. Feed, clothe and educate my children. Love and feed my husband. Call out to Jesus for help and repent. Constantly. That's it.

But that is so hard. It is so hard just to sit there and be where the Lord has me.

A very Barna Easter

2010-04-05T07:02:00.000-07:00

Asher 7 months

2010-03-30T07:29:00.000-07:00

Ok, I lost the genetic lottery completely this time around! Usually there is a little me somewhere in my kids. And I can always claim Ethan. But not Asher. He is a clone of his Dad. And his Grandfather. And every other picture I have ever seen of a Barna. But...I'm not too upset. You want to know why? I'm his favorite.

Working out the kinks...

2010-03-30T07:21:00.000-07:00

So I still trying to figure out the new pages feature on blogger. I believe the tabs at the top will send you to a new page on which I can post info, but those pages are stagnant, as in I cannot continually post there. (so that they scroll down)

This is what I am going to do. I will have one tab for Curriculum and supplies where I list all my favorite curriculum and HS supply websites. I will have another for all my favorite craft/art websites. I use these on a regular basis with the kids so it will still apply. And then we will see what else I can or need to do.

If you HS and have a curriculum and or supply site you just love, let me know and I will add it to the list. It will be a Liz's List of sorts. : )

When NEW is a 4-letter word

2010-03-29T07:01:00.000-07:00

This is not what I thought my first post would be about, but its about a scene we had yesterday. A scene that used to be the norm around here but thankfully has dramatically tapered off. But it was still really hard and its part of having a child like Sam.

So...a little background...Sam's diagnosis. What Sam 'has' is not diagnosable. We call it dyslexia, but simply because thats the closest thing we can come up with and its close enough to give us good direction. But basically this is how it breaks down. When a child is evaluated 2 of many things looked at is their IQ and their working memory/processing speed. Or in other words, *what is their measurable ability to learn and how fast can they do it? Well, Sam's scores are rare. His raw IQ is extremely high. I mean high and when I saw it printed on that paper 3 years ago, I just started crying, because I never would have imagined it. So thats GREAT news. But now the not so great news. His processing speed, the speed at which he takes in info, processes it and then spits it back out is low. I mean, really, really low. Single digit low. This disparity in his two scores is rare and thats why he gets the 'severe' label. So imagine being really, really intelligent, but you can't get it out. Imagine having portions of the Hobbit memorized from hearing it so often, but you are barely able to read 1st grade level readers! Frustration.

Frustration, that is a theme around the Barna house. Quickly there a handful of other issues for Sam. ADD tendencies ( couldn't diagnose it, but had some markers), anxiety disorder and finally the little guy that is lurking behind the scenes all the time...Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Three years ago we were told to watch for this because he exhibited some of the markers for it and Oh baby are we watching it. We are watching it mature and develop and grow. Now let me back up, OCD is not necessarily a bad thing for Sam. It actually gives his little life structure and for someone who can barely remember...routine habits. Sam is a very orderly kid and I'm not going to name names, but compared to another boy in our house...I'll take the structure.

But sometimes OCD is bad, very, very bad. It can undo our home in a matter of moments and leave everyone emotionally wrenched.

So, here we are to the scene yesterday. Sam eats 4 things. Or thats at least what it feels like. For breakfast, frozen waffles. Maybe eggs occasionally. Or if you are up to it he would love for you to make his homemade waffles. Everyday.

When I say Sam is a picky eater, I don't mean he won't eat his turnips or brussel sprouts. I mean he won't eat cereal. Or bread. Or most cheeses. Foods have to be in very certain forms for him and if you deviate...watch out!

Yesterday, Andrew and I were discussing how we really need the kids to try sandwiches, which is also on the blacklist, so Andrew took the boys to the store and they picked out white bread, salami and sliced mozzarella cheese. Pretty basic right? He eats all 3 of those in a variety of forms, but not those, not like that. It starts with him being mad and sulking at the table. But it steadily grows into something else entirely. This post is long so I'll jump to an hour later, where Sam is screaming and raging at us for doing this to him and not giving him choices and making it so hard and why is life complicated?? This is not just a tantrum, but a child pushed out of his norm and he has no idea what to do with it. He is completely inflexible.

His rages always devastate me, because its like this other being comes out of him. Its really not like his usual personality and countenance in any way. In years past we've had to drag him from birthday parties, church and even a church retreat in the mountains with him completely out of control. And I mean, he does not have the ability to calm himself down. He's got a bit of the Incredible Hulk inside him. Nice guy who goes ballistic and then is sad afterwards. To calm Sam down requires one of us, usually me, sitting with him and either just cuddling him and in years past I would even count slowly. 1-2-3-4-...... Somewhere around 70 he would be getting back to normal.

How thankful I am that these days are now the rarity. I am also thankful that we have had such wise counsel from so many professionals in regards to Sam and his education. The professional advice has been to homeschool him. I believe if Sam had been in school full-time all these years we would have a very different child. We are only now considering doing a part-time program for him. (There is more coming on this later.)

This post has become very long so I will end it for now, but perhaps this wasn't a bad way to begin this new series. We all come to homeschooling for different reasons. We wanted to homeschool even before we knew of Sam's struggles, but now its one of the things that keep us doing it, along with a host of other reasons. I am thankful that we can give Sam the time and space he needs.

* The greater the disparity in those two areas the higher the risk for frustration and emotional outbursts. These scores can not be remediated. They will remain roughly unchanged his whole life.

Got some questions??

2010-03-26T09:09:00.000-07:00

Recently at a meeting for my special needs homeschooling group, the director asked us a question, "How and why did you start homeschooling?" Not everyone in the room had really chosen to homeschool as I had. Many were pushed into it out of need and lack of choice. It was good for me to think about how I had gotten to the point I am at. It was good for me to hear other people's stories in the room. My personal favorite and my new hero is the grandmother I sat by, who took her granddaughter in and realized she needed help and she is now exclusively homeschooling her. I heard many stories of great personal sacrifice. Moms and Dads who have given up careers, larger homes, nicer clothes and hours upon hours of personal time to help their children, grandchildren and even at times children not related to them.

I hope to share more of these stories with you as well as hopefully answer questions or at least direct people in the right direction in regards to their HS'ing questions. I am constantly asked questions when we are out in public by moms at parks or at the library or by the checker at the grocery store and even on facebook. My hope is to create a place where I can direct people.

( I will refer to the non-LD children as typical and use LD for the learning disabled.)

So, I am asking for your questions! I hope to cover topics such as curriculum choices, learning styles, HSing methods, therapies, Should I have my child evaluated?, To HS or not?, Living with and how to survive a LD kid...or a typical kid, co-ops, ISP's and affidavits and hopefully many, many more. And if I don't have the answers, because there is ALOT I don't know, I have great resources!

SO please leave some questions in the comments and I will begin to post under the new tab at the top of the page "Homeschooling the Learning Disabled Child". (But will discuss things that relate to both the LD and typical child)

I am looking forward to this new stage of our family blog!

The NEW look

2010-03-25T16:15:00.000-07:00

So what do you think of the new look? This was done by the boys and I and not a professional, but we like it! Sam painted this watercolor yesterday and he calls it "Alien Crash". I love it.

2010-03-05T07:27:00.000-08:00

UNDER CONSTRUCTION! You may have noticed I've been adding some stuff to the sidebar. I am beginning to work on a blog remodel of sorts. So bear with me and I'll be back!

He's a dance machine, what can I say?

2010-03-01T19:09:00.001-08:00

Banderolas de Flores

2010-03-01T16:55:00.000-08:00

Mei Mei and I made this adorable banner that I found on a new favorite blog of mine, Dalle un Cohlino. It is the blog of a homeschoolin' mama in Galiza, Spain! There is a translator on the sidebar, but I find the pictures enough to know I'm in love! Check out all her downloads on the sidebar.

She's advertising a homeschooling conference in Toledo, Spain in April, but for some reason Andrew said I can't go! : (

Sometimes you gotta dance

2010-02-25T11:56:00.000-08:00

Sometimes all you can do is put the pencils down and dance. *Andrew-we have got to get these kids some dance lessons! They are going to want to dance in public one day! People are going to say, "There are those Barna kids doing some of that home grown modern dance again."*

Dusk

2010-02-24T06:09:00.000-08:00

The living room. Can you see the trees sticking out in the high window? Love those.

This is the view of the boys room and front door from the living room. I now can see what those two are up to from the comfort of my own chair!

The view of the living room and the kitchen from the boys room.

I love twilight in our new house, when the outside light begins to dim and the houselights take over. Everything seems to glow for a few minutes.

Schooling

2010-02-23T08:10:00.000-08:00

A Good and Perfect Gift

2010-02-21T06:18:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been given a gift that was truly a perfect gift for you? Do you fine yourself choked up everytime you think back to that moment when you received it? And you want to cry because everything about the gift reflected your tastes, desires and maybe even some unknown needs. And not only was the gift wonderful, but even more so the giver of the gift had been so intuitive, so considerate, so thoughtful as to what you might enjoy, what might bring you true pleasure? So that the gift exceeds the actual thing itself, a thing that will pass away and becomes this small, but wonderful event of simply being loved in a profound way.

This is how I feel about our new home. Our new home is more then lovely, as Ethan says "it feels like a hotel." We are living in a spa retreat of sorts. We have entire walls of windows with lush plants growing on the other side. The house is full of beautiful light and with the sliding glass doors open you can hear the koi pond gurgling and the wind chimes tinkling. For the first time we have space to be and all of a sudden 4 children doesn't seem like so many. I could go through the list of all the wonderful appliances and extras that make it so great or how the house reflects mine and my husbands tastes exactly. More then one friend has said how almost comical it is that the house just looks like us. I could tell you about the wonderful conveniences we are now experiencing and that Andrews commute has dropped down to 15 minutes and that we live 5 minutes to 2 different grocery stores and 5 minutes to a beautiful nature preserve. I could tell you about the beautiful cul-de-sac we live on and the 6 kids that live on it. FRIENDS! I could tell you my joy of allowing the boys to freely walk over to their new friends house and play and know they are safe. I could tell you about how the new neighbors are Christians and what peace that brings me.

But what really gets me, the thing that chokes me up everytime someone asks me about the house is that it is a good and perfect gift from the LORD. Only he could have provided such a wonderfully tailored home for our family. Only he would have thought of all those little details and considered our hearts desires. Andrew and I feel totally undeserving of this new home. We are utterly humbled by this gift we've been given.

When we realized that we simply were not going to be able to buy our own home, because of not having that half a billion dollars I told you about previously, we were despairing. How were we going to provide for our children? Where were we going to live? What sacrifices were we going to have to make? We never could have written or dreamed up this home, its location and all the wonderful things that go along with it. But as my friend says, God had the right and perfect home for us. I am not saying that God gives us perfect things. We all know that isn't true. Sometimes he asks us to live with imperfection, to be uncomfortable. But his gifts, his choices, his will are perfect, because they bring glory to HIM! Aaah, what peace that brings me.

So what do you do with such a great gift? You share it! We know we were given this home to share and to bless others with! A friend of ours was standing on the back porch and said , "Its just so peaceful here." I hope we can share that peace over and over.

Thank you Lord.

Another one, because I can't stand how cute he is...

2010-02-20T22:20:00.000-08:00

6 Months

2010-02-20T14:07:00.000-08:00

Im in ur blogz postin up luvz

2010-02-12T09:19:00.000-08:00

To my sister Liz,

Thank you for giving me food when I am hungry, medicine when I am sick, shelter when needed, guidance when I wander, and peace when I had none. You are my big sister but you are so much more than that. You are a friend and someone who I can confide in. I love you very much. Happy Birthday!

The one and only,

Alex Box

What Craigslist postings should really be like...

2010-02-10T17:06:00.000-08:00

Bathtime

2010-02-06T17:18:00.000-08:00

Asher is quickly outgrowing his bathtub. We are simply in love with this BIG baby!

Happy 7th Birthday Ethan!

2010-02-05T17:41:00.000-08:00

Our new home

2010-02-04T06:45:00.000-08:00

My new laundry room. You may be thinking, "Why are you posting a picture of the laundry room?" BUT if you knew what my present laundry room looked liked, you would understand. I'm pretty sure they have filmed some horror movies or black widow spider nature films in there.

Ahhh, the kitchen. Not only does it look nice, but it has really fan-cee stuff that our present kitchen does not have. Are you ready? An ice-maker! A sink garbage disposal! A vent over the cooking range! A BUILT-IN dishwasher! Try to stay calm. Someday you can have these things too.

The living room. Look at all that light! No more cave living for us!

Yes, you are looking outside, but it is still INSIDE the house! This is the view from the living room to the front door. There is an atrium in the center of the house open to the sky. So we have to go outside to answer the door. : )

For all you art nerds, this home was designed by Joseph Eichler. Our entire little neighborhood are all Eichlers and our new neighbor told us last night that they call it The Pocket. Our house is situated in a cul-de-sac and every house has kids in it! YAY! And our new, very friendly neighbor invited us to use their pool. So if we get bored with the hot tub, we can walk across the street!

We are so excited about our home and so thankful to the Lord for his provision. This home fills our needs and desires in every way and beyond. It will cut Andrew's commute down to 10 minutes!! It is perfectly suited for our homeschooling lifestyle. I will have an office! No more filling the living room with all my stuff! The backyard is big enough for the kids to explore for hours!

We have really clicked with our new landlord who grew up in the home and is a really interesting guy! He was a roadie for 10 years and worked for bands like the Grateful Dead. So we are hoping that we can be in this home for a long time.

Now we just have to move....

A Big Day

2010-01-31T21:14:00.000-08:00

Today was a big day for our family. Asher was baptized and Sam became an official member of our church. It was moving to see God's promises fulfilled in our children. The promise made by the seal of the God's new covenant followed years later by a child making a public profession of his faith is a profound thing to witness.

Who's Special Needs?

2010-01-26T21:27:00.000-08:00

Adopting a special needs child is scary. When we traveled to China, not only were we facing our anxieties of meeting our daughter, but she had a cleft palate and we had no idea what that would be like. Could she eat? What would she eat? Would food come out of her nose? *Yes* We intellectually understood a cleft palate, but to be around one and care for a child with a cleft was a completely different thing altogether. We were shocked to find that she could eat almost anything! *Even chips, which wierded me out.* She couldn't eat ice cream, because that gave her major brain freeze and sometimes bananas would get stuck in her nasal passages and she couldn't breathe. But she managed amazingly well.

Now after 2 surgeries, 'special needs' is the last phrase I would use to describe our daughter. But our story is the exception. Some families get home and their children are sicker then they even imagined or learn they had incorrect diagnoses. Some families arrive in China to find their children gravely ill. Some families get home and find their child's heart problems have healed! I think most people get home and the issues are pretty much as advertised. But all of these fall on a backdrop that these are dynamic children with unique personalities! So many children who appear delayed are actually just starved of consistent care and love. Children who are saturated in love and care....thrive.

I understand when people hem and haw about adopting special needs kids. But here are my reasons for why I think people should consider doing it. *I wonder how much I can talk about adoption before I lose readers.*

1. There are children, healthy and unhealthy, who need parents. That's my most basic argument but the one I believe the most in. There are children in this world who need parents. Simple as that.

2. We are not guaranteed that our own biological children will be healthy. It took me a long time to be able to use the phrase 'special needs' with our oldest. He has severe learning disabilities and the majority of his 9 years he has been in and out of therapies for language processing issues and severe dyslexia. Now, Sam is very high functioning when compared to the rest of the 'special needs' population. He is going to grow up, go to college, get married and have his own family, but he still has special or unique needs that the average child does not require. He will always have learning disabilities. He will always be dyslexic.

3. What would be considered untreatable in another country can be treatable or even healed in our own country. Have you even seen those medical shows where it shows people in poor countries with horrible conditions, where in the US the condition might not have ever happened due to early intervention? There are children in orphanages in China tonight who will never have their cleft palates closed. Ever. What is so costly in one country is ultimately quite manageable in our own. Mei Mei is going to have a normal life because of her surgeries.

4. Its just work. Good, hard work. People always say to me, "I could never do it." When I boil it all down, all I'm really doing is just visiting and seeing more doctors and specialists then you do. I drive to therapy sessions. I drive to therapy sessions. Sometimes we go to the hospital for surgery. It cracks me up sometimes that Mei Mei has a plastic surgeon. She also has a speech therapist, an audiologist, an ENT, a geneticist, a pedicatric orthodontist, a pediatrician and so on and so on. But at the end of the day she is just a little girl who loves singing and dancing. She loves cuddling. She loves her brothers and her baby. She's just a normal girl who has lots of appointments.

Tonight, I found myself looking at one of my favorite websites, Reece's Rainbow. This is an organization through which you can adopt children with Down Syndrome. I encourage you to check it out and just look through their waiting children list. These kids have needs, big needs. But what if you looked at them a little differently? Instead of being overwhelmed by their needs, just think of them as children who need love and care and who need alot of appointments. : )

I just hope that people would not immediately assume that adopting a special needs child is too hard, too scary and unmanageable. There are certainly people who are caring for family members with devastating health, mental and/or physical issues. They know tremendous stress in their daily lives and I would never want to diminish that. Every family has to decide for themselves what they think they can handle. All I'm suggesting is that we can be stretched and take on more then we think we can.

Looking back

2010-01-22T21:54:00.000-08:00

I came across this video tonight and it cracks me up because Mei Mei is just as cooperative now when we are reading. : )

The Backfire

2010-01-22T11:30:00.000-08:00

This week has been a bit crazy. Firs, it has poured rain everyday, so we have been stuck inside. Second, we have been talking about Gotcha Day and how it was coming and how we would celebrate. Finally, we have been preparing for Andrew to be gone this weekend, so the kids have known that we would be taking Andrew to the airport at some point. On Wednesday Mei Mei started having wet accidents. She NEVER has wet accidents. Ever. But I really didn't put it together with our week and all of our events. All week she has thought we were celebrating her birthday. She has been totally confused on what exactly we were celebrating. She knew had something to do with this word 'china'.

Yesterday, I showed her a video of her as an infant in the orphanage. I showed her pictures of our trip. We spent the day talking about it. Her Daddy brought her flowers last night and then we celebrated at our NEW In-n-Out Burger. Came home to find she had had another accident.

This morning we were having breakfast together and talking about Andrew leaving and driving to the airport when Mei Mei said, "Mei Mei going away, Gotcha Day, China?" It all of a sudden hit me that she thought we had been preparing her to leave us! All of our attempts to love her had been taken as a big send off. My daughter thought she was going back to China.

I took her in my arms and she said, "I'm not a baby." I said "Mei Mei you are MINE. I will never forsake you or leave you. You will be with me, with us forever. Only Daddy is leaving and he is coming back!"

I have repeated this several times today. She has said over and over that she loves me and has wanted kisses. I see her testing the bounds of our commitment to her. She can go from being very naughty and rebellious to almost overly sweet in a flash. Its as though she's checking the barometer of our love. What will they do if I'm bad? What will they do if I'm good? Its amazing so much can go in such a little heart and mind, but I know never to doubt what a young child can understand. She will carry her beginnings with her for life. She will have to reconcile to the idea that she was abandoned. She will have to accept she will never know her birth mother. Can our love offset all of that? The truth is...no it can't. Only the love of God can transform and heal and perhaps he will use us in her life to do this.

I can relate to Mei Mei. Am I loved by my Father? Can God really accept me in my rotten state? I also swing from utter rebelliousness to vain attempts of being good. The hardest thing to accept as a child of God is that we can do nothing to add or subtract to His love for us. It is hard to just sit in it. Why does free feel so costly to us? God's love goes against everything the world offers us. I could run into rebellion today and be loved as much as I am today. I could become a saint and adopt 2o kids and live a 'perfect' life and be super nice to everyone and be loved as much as I am today.

Then one thing I can offer Mei Mei is that she is not alone in her state. I am right there with her trying to accept love.

I Gotch 'ya

2010-01-21T07:28:00.000-08:00

I'll never forget how cold that day was. It was probably 20 degrees outside. And it was barely any warmer when we entered the building in which we would meet Mei. The sidewalk was a sheet of ice. I had fantasized about this day for over 2 years. I watched countless Gotcha Day videos on Youtube, but ours unfolded in a completely different way. As soon as we entered the room we saw Mei Mei standing there right by the door. We had to walk past her to enter the room. I had always imagined that the moment we saw her that she would be placed in my arms. But she was just standing there and our guide busied herself with the women from the orphanage. So Mei just stood there and we just stood there staring. I didn't know if I could touch her. There was something in me that wouldn't let me. It was like that first moment when you deliver a baby and they place the infant on you and for a short moment all you can do is look. Your amazed, your overwhlemed, your relieved and then you say, "yes baby, you are mine" and you wrap your arms around that baby and kiss and smell him. Yes, thats what it was like. We all stared at her and said "yes, you are ours" and then we began to reach out and tentatively touch her hair. It was coarse and dry, nothing like it is today. Her face was emotionless. She stood still and only moved her eyes, afraid and unsure of who we were. She grasped her toys we had sent her previously, closer to her. Yes she still does that actually. Finally, I grew brave enough and felt her weight in my arms and smelled her hair. Tears flowed as I knew this was my daughter that God had saved for me. She was unknown and mine all at the same time.

Yesterday my now vivacious Mei Mei looked at me and said "I look like you." It crushed me. It was overwhelmingly sweet and sad to me all at once. She tells me she loves me all day. But there was something inside me that knew that one day, she will realize she doesn't look like her mama. But we will cross that bridge when we get there. Right now I will just enjoy my daughter that has a personality and a will bigger then her own body. I will revel in her dancing and her singing. I will soak in her sweet love.

Happy Gotcha Day Adrienne Xu Mei. You are mine and I am yours.
________________________________________________

I ask you and beg you to consider adoption for your family. Think of Haiti. There are so many newly orphaned children. Can't you fit one more child into your family? Surely you can squeeze one more carseat in your car, you can make one more plate of food and buy one more pair of shoes. Its work, but its GOOD hard work. It is a work worth doing.

Now for some cute baby pictures.

2010-01-18T12:46:00.000-08:00

Day 1 in China: The Forbidden City aka the coldest day of my life.

2010-01-18T07:31:00.000-08:00

Guess what we did 2 years ago today?

2010-01-17T20:36:00.000-08:00

2010-01-15T20:36:00.000-08:00

I just saw this on my sister's blog and I had to borrow it!

Parental list of Rules to live by

Courtesy John Piper

Let there be much spontaneous celebration verbally of every hopeful sign of life and goodness in our children.
Let us forgive them often and be longsuffering.
Let us serve them and not use them.
Let us lavish them with joyful participation in their interests.
Let us model for them the joy of knowing and submitting to the Lord Jesus.
Let us apologize often when we fall short of our own Father’s requirements.
Let us pray for them without ceasing.
Let us saturate them with the word of God from the moment they are in the womb (the uterus is not sound proof).
Let us involve them in happy ministry experiences and show them it is more blessed to give than to receive.
Let them see us sing to the King.
Let us teach them relentlessly the meaning of the gospel in the hope that God will open their eyes and make them alive. It happens through the gospel (1 Peter 1:22-25).

2010-01-14T08:52:00.000-08:00

P. Robertson drives me crazy. He does not speak for me as a Christian. His comments regarding the Haitian earthquake are simply ignorant. Here is an excerpt of an article by John Piper in World magazine.

Weep with those who weep" (Romans 12:15). When love has wept and worked, it must have some answers. Not all the answers, but some. So we turn to the Word of God for help.

No earthquakes in the Bible are attributed to Satan. Many are attributed to God. This is because God is Lord of heaven and earth.

Please read this article and continue to pray for the people and orphans of Haiti.

A new decade and new things for the Barna's

2010-01-12T14:27:00.000-08:00

There are lots of new things happening around our house these days.

Sam is going to be getting braces! ACK! I can't believe he is old enough for this. They call this phase 1. He is going to have braces just on his 4 front teeth on the top, we think. He has a pretty big overbite with teeth that look a little like chiclet candies. : ) The goal is to bring those back and then we will see if he needs braces later on.

He is also playing flag football for the first time. His team name is the Broncos, which makes my brother happy, because that was also his first football team name.

Ethan is playing basketball for the first time as well. We have his first practice to
thank for losing another tooth. : ) He doesn't seem to get that you can't throw yourself down on the court to get the ball. Those balls bounce and they are hard! But he is having a great time.

Mei Mei will hopefully be beginning speech therapy soon. I have no idea how that will fit in our schedule. Its hurts my brain to even think about. But don't worry about Mei. She is completely unaware she needs speech therapy...she talks NON-STOP! : )

Asher is learning to take longer naps! YAY! I can now get an hour and a half long nap out of him. Before he would sleep 40 mins and only 40 mins. We have also been focusing on sleep training at night and he is doing great. Andrew and I are in total love with this sweet boy!

Andrew has just begun Cross-fit. He is loving it. We are both eager to get into shape, so while Andrew is trying out cross-fit, I've decided to try Power Yoga. I decided to go to a beginners workshop before just jumping into a class and totally humiliating myself. That might happen anyway. : ) I have chronic back and sciatica issues so I'm really hoping it will help.

Finally, we've made a big decision for our family. We are going to start looking for another house to rent. Read: bigger house. We live in a 3 bedroom/ 1 bath right now and we are simply busting out of this house. We need a 4 bedroom with 2 baths. We've lived in our present house for 6 years and it has served us well, but its time for a change. All houses in the Silicon Valley cost 500 billion dollars. That's just the median price. So for now, since we don't usually carry that kind of cash around, buying a house isn't an option. So we've started to look and will probably land somewhere in south San Jose. So please pray we find the right house for our family.

Life is full around here as usual, but we are very happy these days. Andrew says it is happy, good work that we have. Its work, but its happy and good.

A little knitting...

2010-01-12T14:22:00.000-08:00

This is my friend Yeimy. (pronounced 'Jaime') This is also my first commissioned knitted hat! She wanted something special for her first trip to Paris over the New Year. So both Yeimy and the hat had a brilliant time in the city of lights. She said it was like the 'best movie of her life!' Paris is quite dreamy....

Asher 4 1/2 months

2010-01-07T08:31:00.000-08:00

December 31, 2009

2009-12-31T17:09:00.000-08:00

Well, its the last night of a decade and I can't help but think about the past 10 years. 4 pregnancies, 3 births. An unexpected loss. A lengthy and difficult international adoption. A beautiful daughter who is our perfect match. Amazing beauty. A decade without our Adrienne. It seems impossible she never saw these past 10 years, that she never saw our children. The loss of so many grandparents. Lots of loss actually. But so much life bound up in our childrens body's and minds. Homeschooling. Unexpected diagnoses. Learning disabilities. Lots of learning, changing and stretching. We are enjoying a rich banquet of friendships during this harried season. I am thankful for those as well. I know we may not always have such a deep reserve of kinship from which to draw from, so right now we indulge and enjoy. Marriage. Lots of that. Growing up together. Transforming and metamorphosing. Pain and Joy. Hurt and forgiveness. Thankful that God is growing something new in us. Deeply thankful for my friend, my spouse.

I am frankly astonished at the past ten years and what we have been through and what we have been given.

We are rich indeed.

2009-12-28T18:08:00.000-08:00

A Merry Mei Mei Christmas to You!

2009-12-18T15:52:00.000-08:00

A whole lot of stuff

2009-12-11T09:47:00.000-08:00

This is what happens when mom steps away to wash her hands and big brothers make a baby machine gun and take pictures of their baby brother holding it.

Asher 3.5 months

Well, since I've barely been able to post anything as of late I thought I would give you a whole bunch at once! Here are some videos from the past few days. The boys are trying out a fencing/archery class that they LOVE! This video is of Ethan who really loves being handed a sword! He really gets into it, dramatically swooning every time he gets tapped in the chest. It cracks me up. You can see Sam fencing in the background. The last video is of Asher mimicing me blowing raspberries. Sam took this video and I know its hard to see, but babies never time their cuteness to be in the best lighting for videos. He had us all cracking up.

Some Barna babies

2009-12-04T08:34:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving happenings

2009-12-04T08:26:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving

2009-11-26T09:20:00.000-08:00

9 & 3

2009-11-22T16:35:00.000-08:00

This is birthday weekend for my oldest and youngest boys. Sam turns 9 tomorrow, which I can hardly believe and Asher turned 3 months today! We are feeling full and blessed these days by our children. We love having 4 children and are enjoying our beautiful bounty.

Portland

2009-11-14T16:47:00.000-08:00

Well, this past weekend we attempted our first adventure as a family of 6 and went on a road trip to Portland, Oregon. We were visiting some of our very favorite people, the Prentiss family. Asher did great in the car to our pleasant surprise. The boys LOVED hanging out with the Prentiss boys for 2 and a half days. As Sam said, "they are good bro's." We had a blast playing, eating AMAZING food, *although I'm still irritated someone's dumb dog ate my leftovers!*, drinking yummy lattes, worshiping together in their new church, visiting Powell's bookstore, eating some more and enjoying lots and lots of catching up with my girl, Katie.

We fell in love with Portland and its beautiful fall colors. We can't wait to go back! I wonder what it looks like in spring?

Halloween 09

2009-11-01T05:48:00.000-08:00

We had a blast yesterday! The boys were hilarious in their costumes and they loved running from house to house with their friend Ruthie. At the last second we had a costume change by Mei, who announced at dinner she was going to be Batman. She wore her big brother's cape, donned some tights and she was ready! She called herself, "Batman-girl." And the little-est Barna was particularly scary, I mean cute, as a little pumpkin. *We were given a costume that he rejected with screaming. : ) *

2 months

2009-10-22T16:55:00.000-07:00

Asher
13.5lbs, 24.75 inches
delicious

Asher grows

2009-10-20T09:51:00.000-07:00

Support Adoption

2009-10-15T08:02:00.000-07:00

One of my sister's friends, Becky, and her husband are pursuing an adoption in Ethiopia. I read on my sister's blog about their fundraiser and its probably my favorite fund-raising idea EVER! They are selling re-usable grocery bags that carry a message about adoption.

You get 5 bags for $50.

Did you know there are 143,000,000 million orphans in the world?

So please support adoption, my sister's dear friend, but most of all the orphans! Go order yourself some bags...I did!

6 weeks

2009-10-03T10:49:00.000-07:00

Almost 5 weeks!

2009-09-24T14:36:00.000-07:00

4 weeks

2009-09-18T16:29:00.000-07:00

2.5 weeks

2009-09-09T11:20:00.000-07:00

Ethan loses his first tooth!

2009-09-09T08:04:00.000-07:00

Asher isn't the only big news around here!

The Barna Kids

2009-09-03T10:56:00.000-07:00

1 week

2009-08-30T15:50:00.000-07:00

1 week in. Sleep deprived. We look at bit bleary-eyed in these photos, but we are in love with our boy.

More Baby....

2009-08-28T17:08:00.000-07:00

George Asher Barna

2009-08-26T19:48:00.000-07:00

He's here!! On Saturday, August 22nd, Asher arrived after a 5 hour labor. He was 9 lbs 1 oz, 21.4 inches long, with dark brown hair and we think, will be brown eyes. He is so sweet and we are spending our days baby-gazing. You may notice that there are no pics of Mei. When we arrived home, all three kids still had fevers and Mei was in the middle of a cold, so we are behind on family group pics. But they are coming. The boys did make a short visit to the hospital, but they had to wear masks and took them off for a picture.

The Big Plan

2009-08-20T08:27:00.000-07:00

I never imagined after 9 months of pregnancy, that it could all be going down like it is. I didn't imagine a sick, although recovered husband. Or two sick boys cuddled up on the couch deep into a Star Wars marathon. Or a 3 yr-old who is potty training. She is pretty much staying dry, but is refusing #2. Oh well, I think she is close.

I had a great OB appointment yesterday. I was weepy the whole time, because it was like I could see the finish line of a race for the first time! I am dilated past 2 cm. Woohoo!! And after a certain procedure, which I barely stayed on the table for, I can feel my body 'getting ready'. SO unless, I decide to sprint to the finish line today or tomorrow I am going to be induced on Saturday morning!! I feel very comfortable with this plan, because so much is happening already and this is what happened with Ethan. I went in to be induced, but was already in labor and it only lasted 8 hours. I expect this time to go even faster. So by Saturday evening, we will be holding our new baby boy!!

I would love to start labor any second, but I would also be glad to have 48 more hours so the boys can be more recovered. Sam is afraid that he won't be able to come to the hospital, so he is faithfully sucking down HUGE amounts of water.

So that's the plan. I am happy, relieved and excited.

Countdown to baby and no one is listening...

2009-08-18T11:52:00.000-07:00

No one seems to be listening to me in my family. No one is hearing me. All I want to do is focus on resting and thinking about baby A's impending arrival. Nope, no one.

Not Andrew, who has been sick all weekend and just to make sure went in to see the doctor this morning and it is NOT the swine flu. The symptoms were similar enough and the warnings about pregnant women and swine flu scary enough that we just wanted to make sure. Not Sam, who woke up at 4am with a fever and cough. Not Mei Mei who has decided to potty train during these last days of pregnancy when moving quickly is NOT an option for me. So I'm potty training from the couch. Not even my own self with my own tickly throat and little headache. Not the little mouse which seems to have taken up residence in the kitchen. The mystery though is we have seen NO droppings. Weird. Not the house, which refuses to stay clean. Not all the hungry bellies that seem to want to eat 3 times a day!! What is with that?!? Not my clothes, which seem to be shrinking at an alarming rate these days. Not the school year, which is right around the corner.

SHHHH!! I'm thinking and resting and meditating....or trying to at least.

But this is life when you are having your 4th child.

Life just simply does.not.stop.ever.

The Aviatrix Hat

2009-08-13T17:56:00.000-07:00

I've not done much at all over the past few weeks, but this week during all my couch time I did knit this adorable hat for baby A. Its probably my favorite thing I've knitted to date. I made several mistakes, but learned alot. And it gave me a small sense of accomplishing SOMETHING. You can find the pattern for the Aviatrix Hat on Ravelry.com.

Something interesting

2009-08-10T19:41:00.000-07:00

You want to know something interesting? If we had not considered a 'special needs' child from China and had remained in the 'healthy line' we would still be waiting!! Our Log-in Date, LID, was May 15, 2006. They have only matched babies to family's who have LID's through March 22, 2006.

Makes me feel like a newbie. Warning: Pregnant lady whining

2009-08-10T13:23:00.000-07:00

It happened again. Some of you may not even know what the 'it' is. The 'it' is that I had regular contractions all night long only to have them dissipate in the morning, leaving me exhausted and frustrated. These are not those little tightening of the tummy contractions, but catch your breath, close your eyes contractions.

It happened almost two weeks ago and following the 'what to look for when going into labor' we headed to the hospital only to be sent home in the early hours. It left me exhausted for days.

So last night when they started sometime around midnight and having learned my lesson I headed for the living room in our little house, plopped on the couch and started reading and almost finishing a book and timing contractions. For nearly 2 hours I had a contraction every 5 ish minutes. I finally woke Andrew to tell him what was going on, but that I wasn't sure what to do. I decided to lay down and they slowly calmed down and I fell asleep. Then I was abruptly woken up at 5 by more contractions and cramping. What was I to think, but wow, this seems like it is headed somewhere. So I headed back out to the living room and returned to my book and timing contractions. After my 10th contraction within a hour, I knew I needed to decide what to do. Do I call labor and delivery? The last thing I wanted was to go in to the hospital, only to come back out empty handed and belly-full. Or do I wait and call the doctor at 8am at her office and maybe be seen. During the 7am hour the contraction rhythm began to slow down and fall apart, but after the night I really wanted to either speak with my OB or at least be seen. So I decided to wait and call at 8am.

Long story short, I called at 8am only to be told to head to L&D because my OB was on-call today and she could see me there. It was really frustrating. At this point my contractions had all but gone, but I really wanted to touch base with her and for some reason this seemed impossible! So after some hemming and hawing we made our calls, woke up a sleepy 25 yr old brother to head over to our house and in we went.

And what happened? Nothing. They hooked me up to monitors and as much as I like listening to his heartbeat, I knew there would not be a complimentary line of contractions on the paper coming out of the machine. Our nurse was great and said, "The first is slow, the second is fast and the third is a fooler." We waited over 2 hours for my OB to finally make it into my room, which I felt like I was unnecessarily using. We talked about what I need to look for that is DIFFERENT and that she was glad I came in. Exhausted, I kept weeping when I talked to her. I've been contracting since the end of June. JUNE people.

I plan on some big-time ugly crying when this baby comes out. I will be overwhelmed to see him finally and to hold him. AND I will be so relieved to be done.

This time at least I was given an El Camino Hospital water bottle. I like my water bottles.

Full term:37 weeks

2009-08-08T17:15:00.000-07:00

Filled to the brim

2009-07-27T10:41:00.000-07:00

I am full up these days. I know those words don't really make sense, but its the best description.

I am filled to the brim with baby A. He reaches from under my ribs to my knees. I swear he does.

My mind is full up with home schooling after attending a conference this past weekend. We've taken the past few weeks off and I am sitting back and gaining some perspective on the coming year. I'm thinking about all the new things we are adding and all the old stuff we are continuing with. I'm thinking about that Math program that I have to figure out how to teach.

I am filled up with heat and no air conditioning. : (

I am filled up watching my husband do his job, his church job and now part of mine.

I am filled up with friends, their support and their offers of help.

I am filled up with time and its fast/slow cycles. My children are growing so quickly, but why are the last weeks of pregnancy moving at a snails pace?

I am filled up with to do lists, but not enough energy to do them.

I am filled up with dessert, because this late in the game, its not about cravings, but having some small moments of pleasure to try to offset my uncomfortable reality.

Life is full and it is only about to get fuller. But I am mostly filled up these days by God and His provision and His promise that His GRACE is sufficient everyday. That means I have everything I need for today. Now that is really something to fill me up.

Homeschooling the Learning Disabled Child: The post where I will try very hard to stay off my soapbox and will probably fail.

2009-07-22T15:03:00.000-07:00

It means something that Sam has a learning disabilities. So often people will say, "I don't notice anything." I still do not understand why they think this is comforting to us. Its almost like we made it all up. *Ahem, I told you I may have trouble with this post.* Or they will begin to list all the things we should try, like its never occurred to us. *I'm trying!* I think for the most part in normal everyday life, Sam, will seem like a very normal 8 year old boy. But its when you sit him down for school that things begin to become apparent. Or its when you turn the Wii off after 30 minutes and he is crying for some odd reason and he just seems a bit off. Or when he is exhausted and he is coming undone and you feel like you've been hit by a train of emotions you never saw coming. Or when you ask him one day to add 6 and 2 and it seems like the most difficult math problem he's ever seen, when you know he knows the answer. Or when he flips out over the site-word 'was'. *That is a stupid word. It doesn't mean ANYTHING and it's spelled nowhere like its pronounced.* Or why U, Y and W can bring on a torrent of emotions. *U starts with the y-sound, Y starts with the w-sound and W, well its just stupid.* Or when you ask him to explain his math and he simply can't recall with language what he just did. Even when he has the right answer! Nothing is simple, when it all feels so hard.

We have to deal with things like comprehension vs skill level. Sam's comprehension scores are always at grade level and above. You think, great, BUT his actual skill level are always roughly 2 grades below! He is a terrible test taker and will most likely, always be. He simply cannot reproduce consistently what he knows. This makes tracking his ACTUAL working grade level very difficult. What can he do, by himself, without me sitting there, prompting him? Its hard to say at times. Why does the plus sign look so much like the multiplication sign? Can he remember that when he tests without me? Somedays, maybe. Other days, no way. So he may score low on a skills test, but that doesn't mean the test has actually captured where he is. Maybe he isn't that low. Maybe he is. Can you see how I spend my days scratching my head?

So I made a decision. I'm getting rid of grade levels. What's the point really? Kids are where they are and we've created this insane *soapbox warning* rewards and penalty system *gifted vs special needs* depending on where your kid falls. If your kid is reading above his grade level, the parent puffs up with pride and his giftings are praised and one talks about whether or not he is being challenged enough in school. But, if your child is reading BELOW grade level, God forbid, he is labeled special needs and is considered slow, etc. People talk slower to him and extend you as his parent, lots of pity. "Oh thats too bad about little so and so..." *I warned you.*

But let me ask you something. When was the last time another adult walked up to you and said, "Hey, my name is Joe, I work at Google and I read at a ... reading level." Or they asked you what level you read at?!? Not recently? Ever? Why not? Why is something that was so dang important as children not that important now? Would it surprise you to know that most newspapers and magazines are written at a 6th grade level? *Trying to step down, I promise*

What I have decided is that kids do school for about 12-13 years and they get to things as they get there. Homeschooling is allowing us to remove those arbitrary standards, that aren't standardized at all and to be free and comfortable with our learning paces. My kids aren't behind or ahead, they are just where they need to be. I have 10 more years with Sam. That's a long time to learn how to read fluently, write clearly and effectively and maybe learn some history, read great literature, learn another language, enjoy poetry, make lots of art, learn what it is to be part of a family and to learn to be comfortable in his own skin.

I'm not the only one that thinks this way. I think lots of homeschooling parents feel this way, special needs or not. I just know that his future success and happiness is not all dependent on his reading level!

So hopefully, I have not offended my readership. I have never been a homeschooling purist.I've never thought that it was the one and only way to educate your children. Trust me, when I'm walking around the grocery store at times in the middle of the week and I see those mom's shopping peacefully, I drool. I think and believe there are lots of ways to educate your kids, for us, it's homeschooling.

*I now know why I haven't posted that often about schooling and learning disabilities. Its very difficult to remove my emotions from all of this. Thank you for your grace toward me.*

About homeschooling

2009-07-08T21:49:00.001-07:00

Have you ever noticed I almost never write about Homeschooling, even though its the activity that takes up most of my time?

I think homeschooling is like a marriage. There are bad and good days. There are many days when I think, "what have I done? I can't do this long term. Its wearing me out. Why are they always near me? Whose kids are these anyway? Why does that little one in the diaper with almond eyes keep asking to do school? It creeps me out."

Then there are the days when I feel deeply in love with homeschooling. I sigh with great contentment as I sit and watch the boys work quietly at the table while listening to Lord of the Rings on audio CD. I swell with pride when I hear my 6 year old plow through his first chapter book. I marvel at the 3 year old, who loves to recite all the letters and their sounds. *Although I really don't know where she learned them* I love reading great literature and hearing the boys narrate it back to me. I love watching them make connections with other works and to laugh and giggle. I love seeing how their writing improves over the course of the year. I love seeing their little scratchy lines, become strong and confident. I love the simplicity of our days.

I get all the usual questions and comments.
Will you homeschool through high school? Probably.
You are so brave. Brave? That's a strong word. Maybe a little crazy though.
I could never be that organized. I try not to laugh out loud at this one, because I definitely am not an organized person, although I have grown in this area. BUT I don't think its a prerequisite to homeschool.
My kids and I would kill each other. I hear this one ALOT. Yes, absolutely, you do rub elbows with your kids probably in ways you don't normally if they are in school. Now you are dealing with obedience and other issues about school stuff! But I think my kids are learning how to have real relationships and how to disagree, reconcile and how to ask for forgiveness. I demonstrate this ALL THE TIME. : )
Where do you get your curriculum? The problem is that there is TOO MUCH great stuff out there. We homeschool using the Charlotte Mason method. So that directs what I buy and use. But there are many methods out there. We use very few actual textbooks, but rather use living books. But I do use Singapore Math and *Phonics Pathways curriculums.
Are you licensed to teach? No, but sometimes I think I should be licensed to parent.

I could spend an entire other post on homeschooling a learning disabled child, with severe dyslexia. Actually that's a blog within itself.

Homeschooling is hard, I won't deny it. You are taking on a huge responsibility and trust me, you feel it. Am I covering what I need to? How do I add music, foreign language, sports. etc? The questions and worries go on and on. I realized recently that I have a really hard time spending entire days at home without doing school. Because I HOME school, I feel guilty when we are at HOME and we don't do school.

So now I am going to finish up, because my pregnant brain is screeching to a stop on me. *Thankfully we homeschool in the morning for the most part.*

*This is just one of the many phonics programs we have used. We have changed as Sam needs have changed. His dyslexia has guided us where we needed to go.

The Outer Limits

2009-07-07T08:42:00.000-07:00

I've reached the outer limits. And I'm not referring to space. I'm referring to my waistline. I've reached that point where all those giant maternity clothes I've had in a bin, fit me all of a sudden. Really well. I've reached those last 6ish weeks, where you think your body can't stretch anymore, but it does. Its like blowing up a balloon where those last puffs are really difficult and you can hear the balloon stretching to hold all that air within it. You can regularly hear me moan and complain as I try to just sit comfortably on the couch. I can hardly sit upright without feeling little hands and feet in my lower abdomen, forcing me into this continual slight recline. But then I start reclining too much and whoops, I can't breathe. I've reached the point where I don't really sit down, but fall back into the couch. Hope no one was there. I've reached the point where I seem to have a permanent protrusion in the middle of my belly, which I believe to be a little bony booty. I've reached the point where my senses are overcome by baby noise. All his little and big movements, my lack of breath, every movement an effort.

But relief is on its way. There is nothing like those moments after birth, when for the first time in 9 months, your body is quiet. Its a delightful, peaceful exhaustion. You want to check what?? oh I don't care. My baby is here and my body is quiet.

That's what I am thinking about.

32 weeks

2009-07-02T09:10:00.000-07:00

Mei: the Warrior Princess

2009-06-27T16:44:00.000-07:00

I knew Mei Mei was an incredible little girl. I new she was funny, bright, feisty and beautiful. But after this week, I now have to add that she is a little warrior.

Around noon on Thursday a nurse came to take us to Mei Mei in the recovery room. As soon as they opened the doors, I heard screaming. A very familiar sound, but yet it was different. It was higher pitched, but it was undeniably Mei Mei's. After quickly swallowing my irritation that they hadn't brought us back in time to be there when she woke up, we turned the corner to see Mei Mei screaming with two stunned nurses who looked at us and one of them said, "she doesn't like us." Andrew and I had to smile because although we knew she was completely disoriented, woozy and in pain, we knew that scream. It was her angry scream. Even after managing to get her on my very small lap with pillows, she screamed. She was really angry and it completely puzzled the nurses that a child could be that mad. She screamed for a long, long time. Finally she succumbed to some painkiller and slept. She slept until she woke up, felt the pain and screamed again. Can you even imagine how much that hurt? Most people if they sensed their throats and mouths to hurt that much would not want to even whisper, but thats not Mei Mei. She screamed bloody murder. And for some reason, it causes me to admire her even more. She's our little 37", 30 lb warrior.

She only had one dose of morphine in the hospital, she skipped the tylenol with codeine and she has been taking only regular tylenol. That's craziness. They rearranged muscles in her throat!! She has stitches and they cauterized her throat, but she has fought through all of that. We all feel like wimps around her. She was at the hospital for 25 hours.

She's doing really well, although we would like to see her drink more fluids, but that will come. She slept through the night last night, which amazed us. She has spent the day in her swimming suit. *She doesn't know that its against the doctors orders to swim. She's ready.* She can definitely be cranky and her voice now sounds like someone is holding her nose closed. We may have a mutiny on our hands, because the boys are growing a bit weary of watching Mei eat so much ice cream and popsicles.

So we are hanging in there. Please continue to pray that she will increase her fluid intake and continue to heal well.

It's Go Time

2009-06-25T06:25:00.001-07:00

In less then an hour we will be hopping in the car with Mei Mei and headed to Lucille Packard Childrens Hospital for her Pharyngealplasty. *surgery on her soft palate* She knows she is going to see Dr. Lorenz and that he is going to fix her mouth this morning. Hopefully around 9:30am we will be handing over our, by then, loopy daughter for her 3-4 hour surgery. The worst part is in the recovery room, when they wake up suddenly and feel completely disoriented and then they realize they are in pain. Last year, Mei Mei was terrified, but I am praying that this past year of bonding and her growing will have helped, even a little bit.

We are thankful to the Lord that she has a morning surgery time. They typically go youngest to oldest and sadly there is usually a lot of younger children having surgery.

Pray for Mei Mei today that she will tolerate her anesthesia with no ill side effects. Pray for Dr. Lorenz and that he will work to the best of his ability and beyond. Pray he can correct her soft palate with NO sleep apnea as a side effect. Pray her speech will continue to improve and her annunciation be clear.

Pray for the boys today as they hang out with Miss Nancy and Mr. Biggers. We LOVE this couple from our church and they have been wonderful in 'adopting' our boys recently.

Pray for Andrew, as he is going to be taking the weight of Mei's care on. I, ahem, have some physical limitations these days and can barely even hold Mei in my lap! Andrew will be doing the night shifts by himself!!

Pray for energy for myself. By about 6 in the evening I am just done and I begin my relaxing evening of Braxton Hicks contractions and an active baby in my tummy. * I've actually had to stand up in the middle of the night by the side of the bed and rock back and forth in hopes that Baby A will calm down!!* I want to be a helper in the coming days.

My dad will actually be arriving today and my brother will be around as well. We even have a few meals coming our way next week, so I feel 'covered'.

Thank you for loving Mei Mei and the rest of us. The adventure continues!!